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Tuesday, October 10, 2006

it had been a busy month.
pre-prelims. prelims. post-prelims.
yes, i did work hard. nope, i din do well. yes, i have decided to drop one subject. economics.
i have come to terms to it. never regretted taking that subject and only dropping it at this point of time. because im interested in econs. and i ;earned alot. i completed my syllabus, and i have no regrets. except that i could have better grasp the j1 economics concepts plus international trade. and yes, i will probably further my studies in economics when im in university.
for those who are reading this, mayb think that. oh it's such a waste and all. u spend two years studying it and blah blah. all the tuition and the A level fees. but i begged to differ. all the u shud haf dropped it last year or earlier had crossed my mind. all the opportunity cost lost due to time spend on reading econ notes and attending econs lecture. but mind you, im fortunate to have met great teacher, who taught great economics during my second year. im not exactly giving up on this subject, im just postphoning the date for me to take exam. and i know, i wont take any sciences in future, so econs is the next best choice that i know of. im convinced by my own theory. call me crazy. and denying myself from reality. i dont really care. and yes, i still think that ive made the right choice, by learning this subject for two years. but not taking the exam as an A level subject. i still remember what tanYH told me when i went to appeal to vj. saying that i will like econs and will do well cos my sec4 social studies results were straight As. He might not be right in everything he says despite his agreesiveness.
People were shocked. they ask why. and above all these reasons, i just want my As badly. i know i can do well, its just tt the stress and burden that is on me is so great that i cant even perform up to expectation for my other subjects, say math. according to angCL, she reminded us that we need to be very clear-minded when u are handling maths question. and i guess that staement applies to physics as well. it's thru, its hard to cope with the tight schedule during exam periods. one paper after another, leaving you with short time in between to study for your next subject. im so glad that there is such a thing call prelim. thank God, that made me realised that its not easy, especially when u are not well prepared for your papers. and made me realised that im ultimately not ready to sit for four A level subjects. the tight scheduele just scares me off. the thing im weak at is the coping with stress part, not the doing well part. they make me fumble and panic. and now, i feel relieved and motivated to get all my As and Bs. not deterred by stress anymore. but determined to overcome my As:))
you may say that im just taking the easy way out, but i guess taking the harder and conventional way doesnt alwaes guarantee you that your grades will be better or mould you into becoming a better person with character and substance. and sometimes, u just have to take a step back to see what is holding you back and hindering you from achieveing what you wantl. now i have got my answers and am going all out to eliminate them.
pride has always been my Archilles' heels. but this time, i took the courage to put down my pride and let it all go. and somehow, this made me come to realisation that a braver peron will be the one going out to look for help when u are in need, make some reflections, and cope with your problems with appropriate solutions, even when it is to degrade yourself to a lower level or to cry, as compared to someone who is adament about their stands and refuse to accept alternative solutions. Maths teaches us this skills in that sense right? to come up with alternative solutions to solve the equation when u are stuck right?
in fact, in future, when u start building your career, your family and all, the people around you wont be bother whether u did 4As or 3As right? it's how u treat them, how you build relationships with them that is important. and they will remember u for who u are, not wad grades you get. good academic results is something to be proud of, but if one were to have bad attitudes and low emotion quotient, i think thats the saddest thing of human fate.

shedded at 1:45 AM